*Disclaimer the thoughts and emotions in this poem are my own. Remember if you are struggling with suicidal thoughts contact a psychiatrist or the suicide hotline 988. Note I see a therapist and psychiatrist regularly.*

The meds I take daily alter my brain chemistry and give me emotions that feel like my own

The lexapro and vraylar that I take daily keep me alive

Both chemically changing my thoughts to more acceptable ones while giving me a false sense of reality

The meds give me a temporary escape from the reality that is my life 

On the days I take my meds my depression takes a seat in the back of the car, sitting on it’s hands waiting to step in 

Some days my depression is stronger than the meds 

The meds are only 99% effective 

My depression waits for the 1% failure to remind me of the series of unfortunate events that is my life

The meds make me feel prescribed joy giving me moments to remember the good moments 

Moments of fake positivity 

It gives me the chance to fit in

The trazadone though, that helps me sleep so my depression doesn’t haunt my dreams 

I didn’t sleep for years until I took it

My depression haunted my dreams causing sleepless nights filled with tear induced nightmares 

Filled with my mind playing out worse case scenarios and reminders of rejection

One day I won’t need the prescription emotions to give me a sense of fake happiness and content

One day I’ll self soothe and reunite with my joy. 

One day I won’t need the medication but for now 

I welcome to prescribed emotions 

I welcome the fake reality until the real one exists