originally written February 14, 2025

I met my younger self for coffee……

She arrived early and I arrived on time

We both texted each other to make sure we were there and met each other outside before we went inside together

She went in for a handshake and I went in for a hug

We found a seat in the corner because we both like sitting in the corner

We talked about the past

We talked about our feelings

She looked down and didn’t make eye contact and I looked forward and made eye contact periodically

She asked if things got better and I said no, things got more manageable

She asked if we found a good therapist and I said yes but after many trials and errors

She asked if we were close to our family, and I said no.

I told her that we no longer let them walk all over us, we no longer act as a doormat

She asked if we ever found our voice and I said yes

I told her that we speak up for ourselves now, we don’t tolerate nonsense, and we decided to do what we love

She asked if we ever found love, and I said no, not in a relationship kind of love but in a platonic love in friendships and new partnerships that we built

And we found love in ourselves

She asked again if it ever got easier and I told her no, it got more manageable

I apologized to her for all the effort we put in as a child and for all that we gave and never got back

She asked if we continue to do those things as an adult, and I said yes but with boundaries

She asked if we traveled out to state, and I said, yes, we’ve gone to travel by
plane, we’ve gone on a road trip, we’ve done the things that we enjoy, and we do
those things a lot. We enjoy spending time with ourselves.

She asked if forgiveness became easier, and I told her no. I told her that we learned to
look past the challenges that we faced as a child, and I told her that we still
struggle every day.

She asked if we found joy in happiness, and I said not yet, but we’re still looking for it. We’re still fighting every day to survive, we’re still fighting every day to find peace and joy every moment.

We both stared at each other, her finally looking up and staring me in the eye for the longest
minute of our lives, and tears shed from both of our eyes.

And at the same time, we looked at each other and we said we deserved better.

We hugged each other and we said, see you later, because we’ll run into each other again.

But I met my younger self for coffee, and we realized that it didn’t get easier.

We realized that people telling us that everything happens for a reason, and our
challenges made us stronger, didn’t help us at all. It just made us a little bit
more resentful.

I told her that we will continue to take up space, and we’ll continue to stand up for ourselves, and she smiled, and she was appreciative of it.

And as I left and we both went our separate ways, I looked back and I missed
the joy and the naivety that she had, and the hope that she had.

She walked away and she was grateful for the fact that we stood up for ourselves.

I left missing the person I was before life got harder, and she left being grateful.

But collectively, we knew that we were both going to continue to try.

I met my younger self for coffee, and it was the best thing that I ever did………..

*Thank you for reading my thoughts* *Disclaimer: this work is my own thoughts, opinions, and feelings.*